This is how I feel right now. A spirt full of God's love, feeling like warm sunshine bursting through me! It honestly doesn't matter how my body is feeling today (which for the record is quite bad).
In my last post, I wrote about some health struggles I've been experiencing, and how the symptoms lead me down a road of hopelessness, pity, and pain both physically and spiritually. It was a hard place to be, but with the help of my loving husband, and an Almighty God I was able to get out of such a bad place.
Going through all of this was so unwanted at the time, but God has a plan. I didn't think that anything positive could come out of what I was going through, but God has a plan! And guess what? I've even learned a few things!
The first thing I learned was who my real friends are. This was a hard lesson to learn in the beginning, because I was a little surprised at the outcome. But now I know. And it's quite refreshing!
The second thing I've learned is that I have very unreasonable expectations for myself. It is completely unreasonable to live the same life and schedule I was living before becoming sick. I'm such a control freak that I didn't want to change the way I cared for my home, the way I was homeschooling, or the time I went to bed. It all needed changing, but I went down with a fight. A fight that didn't need to be had, if only I could have recognized that I do NOT need to be the one in control.
And the third, and most important lesson I've learned is that God can't help me if I don't let Him. I felt like I trusted Him, but yet I continually fought every change in my life that was happening. Instead of leaning on the Lord to get me through, I was always looking to myself and my husband to get me through. Instead of reading scripture and spending more time in prayer, I was feeling sorry for myself. It wasn't until I truly and fully surrendered myself to God that I began to see the difference.
Like I said in my last post, I am still going through these medical problems, and dealing with the day to day of the symptoms. But I'm seeing it all with new eyes. Clear vision. God has a plan and THIS was all apart of it. Who am I to turn my nose up at a struggle that God is sure I can handle? Who am I to decide that because I'm going through a struggle it must mean something bad? God's gifts come in many different packages. And now that I'm seeing everything through new eyes, I'm seeing the gifts that are coming from the struggle. Like my husband praying for me. That is the sweetest gift of all, and God knew exactly the type of impact that would have on me!
So here I sit. Ready to take on anything the Lord has in store. Even the struggles. If I'm struggling, then God must be working on me. Clearly only He knows what I need. And I am praising Him all the more for knowing that I needed the struggle. Praising Him for knowing my heart! Praising Him for showing me that His amazing gifts come in many different packages.
By His Grace alone,
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